Mumbling

I've got a whole load of crap going on in my mind, in a way it's like I'm on cruise control, maintaining a healthy speed and travelling in pre-determined direction, but without any flare. I'm enjoying writing my script, and it's almost finished, well, the first draft is anyway. It's almost as though that's the only thing which is keeping me sane lately.

I had an argument with my Mum today about her smoking. She invited a friend over for dinner yesterday, and it was all very congenial and everything, I made an appearance, said hello and did everything that was expected of me before going to the gym, but I was appalled at this lady's cough, which was evidently as a direct result of her smoking. It was uncontrollable, you could tell it embarrassed her, and had to do your best to look away or take a drink until she finished, as though it was perfectly normal. I hate to think that my Mum could develop a cough like that, and find the fact that people partake in such a hobby absolutely ridiculous. it's funny, my Mother has always told me (and still does) that if I get a motorbike, she'll hack off the wheels because it's so dangerous, but at least on a bike, you only hurt yourself if you fall off. It's not like every time you ride into town, several times a day, you are damaging your own body. I just don't know how to help, every time I bring it, she blocks out anything I have to say.

Then, today, talking to my sister, still under the false impression Christmas is about family, I bring up our small reunion on the 25th, which would be the first time we'd have spent Christmas with her in four years, to be told she didn't remember ever mentioning it and had already arranged to spend it with her mother in law (who the kids aren't terribly fond of). Tip top, what a way to finish the day.

I feel angry. In a way, I'm also feeling worthless. That isn't solely as a result of the day's outcome, but, generally. I guess I'll do what I always do, look at it as a challenge, try and find a way to overcome it, deducting what I tell myself is a valuable lesson in the process, which I'll use to pacify my upset. I'll throw on a hoodie, update my iPod, go to the gym and hope my writer's bock has lifted by tomorrow.